I wanted to share with you all this poem that I wrote yesterday:
I am almost always scared.
I fail to remember a time in my life
Where I have been more certain than afraid.
I often feel that I would like nothing more
Than to release my spirit from longing
And let it glide free and light
Among a flight of birds.
I envy their careless freedom.
I tend to stumble along in the daylight
With my hands bound and my eyes closed
In a darkness I have made.
I have yet to discover a way to unbind
The clammy and indifferent fingers of fear
From around my throat
And allow breath to fill
The cavernous spaces in my lungs
That I am disinclined to remember exist.
I am afraid I might breathe into something so deep
I will not know how to control it.
And yet, I am always fighting for air.
I am almost always running.
And whether it be to or from
Or here or there,
It seems to always be away.
I am tired and ready to live.
I want to know that –
For whatever it’s worth –
I tried to make something meaningful.
I am almost always hurting.
There is a lump that wells inside my throat
Without knowing how to break into tears.
I am not sure I’ll ever find a way to leave it behind.
I am not sure I want to.
To choose between experiences –
To have hurt and lived
Or to have protected yourself and waded idly through?
There are days when my eggshell heart
Is so thin and close to cracking
That I can imagine the gold inside
Running out through my chest.
And there are days when I wouldn’t give up loving
For any amount of comfort or relief.
I want to feel the deep and true places of my existence.
I want them to shape me and to hurt
So that I learn what it feels like
To truly be alive
And try to find something beautiful.
Just because the sun burns our skin
Does not mean we love it any less.
It is this same brilliant sun
That allows us and everything we are surrounded by
So let my broken heart bleed out
Through the cracks in my nail beds;
I am tired and ready to love.
To all those who feel weak and alone –
You are worthy and strong.
Your words have knit the universe
And your tears are what fill oceans.
You are never too lost;
There are lights shining out
Through your elbows and kneecaps
And all the crooked pieces of you
That may seem awkward or misplaced.
These lights are there to guide you ashore.
You are the stones that build cathedrals
And the ropes that build bridges.
You are the reason the moon hides in the sky all day
And waits for night.
You give the moon hope enough
To believe that the sun
Will be called somewhere else and need her.
The moon is like you –
She wants to feel bright and glorious.
She wants people to dance in her light and her shadows.
And whether or not she has all of herself to give
Or just a sliver,
There is nothing that could keep her
From coming every night to wait for you.
She wants to share with you
The pieces of herself
That have found the strength to come with her.
She is no less beautiful
When parts of her are covered in shadow,
And she is no less happy
To see you smile up and greet her.
She wants to see you dance.
The trees sway in celebration of the wind
And the flowers turn their faces skyward,
Wishing for rain.
They know it will come to an end.
This rain will end.
We are broken and not dead.
Our breath is proof that we can be mended.
We are our own ship’s captain.
We sail and wish eternally
For a shore to come home to.
Come into your fears.
Know that even if you do not have
All the pieces of yourself to give,
You are no less beautiful.
Your strength is in your every step.
You are sacred.
You are loved.
You are not alone.
Breathe deeply and do not be afraid to fall.
The earth will catch you gently.
The world is a place of belonging.