I am so glad to be back in Boone/Todd from break, being in Raleigh made me appreciate where I live even more. I have lived in the mountains for four and a half years now and have become completely acclimated to the slower, smaller life up here. In all honesty, I just feel very out of place there. So, even though I got back and got slammed with work almost immediately, it was refreshing to just be here. The snow was a nice surprise as well! I didn’t believe it was going to happen until it was already insane outside! I got stuck in Boone because it hit so fast. So, all in all, it’s great to be back.
I started reading a book called Rilke’s Book of Hours: Love Poems to God by the German poet Rainer Maria Rilke and it is absolutely incredible. The first part of the book is a series of poems he wrote while living a monastic lifestyle, inspired by Russian monks, over a 25-day period. His poems are deeply personal and honest and are not afraid to ask serious questions. Reading these poems has, again, brought up these questions and ideas for me. I love to discuss different theological ideas and hard questions and try to figure out what I think while learning about others’ beliefs. I haven’t done that in so long. This past semester was so different and so full of difficult transitions into no longer being a student, that I didn’t have the emotional or mental capacity to approach difficult questions on top of learning how to be an adult (or trying to learn). And that’s OK, I think those seasons are important in life, but I am so thankful that Rilke is bringing that back up for me. I am so in love with this book. So, I want to share with y’all one of my favorite poems that I’ve read so far:
“I believe in all that has never yet been spoken.
I want to free what waits within me
so that what no one has dared to wish for
may for once spring clear
without my contriving.
If this is arrogant, God, forgive me,
but this is what I need to say.
May what I do flow from me like a river,
no forcing and no holding back,
the way it is with children.
Then in these swelling and ebbing currents,
these deepening tides moving out, returning,
I will sing you as no one ever has,
streaming through widening channels
into the open sea.”